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The use of twitter by age group of in USA between November 2010 and May 2013

The use of twitter by age group of in USA between November 2010 and May 2013 KlpYL
The line graph depicts the usage of Twitter by age classification in the USA from November 2010 to May 2013. Over this span of 3 years, percentages of users in each category have all increased. In November 2010, the highest percentages of twitter users were in the group age of 18 to 29 which was around 15% while the other three groups were all below 10%. From December 2010 to August 2011, the line of users whose age in between 18 and 29 was considerably differs from the other lines because it plateaued. In addition, it experienced a gradual incline from approximately 19% to around 31% only over the period of 1 year. However, the line start to decrease from 31% to around 27% in December 2012 and then increased to 30% in May 2013. All the other three categories line fluctuated between December 2010 and August 2011. Between August and December 2012, the two trends differed from the last trend because the percentages of users whose age from 30 to 49 and 50 to 64 were all increased compared to the last one still fluctuated. However, stating from December 2012 all three line have experienced a slight increase. In conclusion, the graph illustrates the age group of 18 to 29 had the highest percentages of Twitter use by 2013 and surpassed all the other 3 lines. The age group of 30 to 49 line was similar to the age of 50 to 64 line. Whereas users whose age are over than 65 had the lowest percentage of Twitter users over this period of 3 years.
The
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line
graph depicts the usage of Twitter by
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age
classification in the USA from November 2010 to May 2013.
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Over
this span of 3 years,
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percentages
of
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users
in each category have all increased.

In November 2010, the highest
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percentages
of twitter
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users
were in the
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group
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age
of 18 to 29 which was around 15% while the
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other
three
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groups
were all below 10%. From December 2010 to August 2011, the
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line
of
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users
whose
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age
in between 18 and 29 was
considerably
differs from the
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other
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lines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it plateaued.
In addition
, it experienced a gradual incline from approximately 19% to around 31%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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over
the period of 1 year.
However
, the
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line
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to decrease from 31% to around 27% in December 2012 and then increased to 30% in May 2013.

All the
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other
three categories
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
fluctuated between December 2010 and August 2011. Between August and December 2012, the two trends differed from the last trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
from 30 to 49 and 50 to 64 were all increased compared to the last one
still
fluctuated.
However
, stating from December 2012 all three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
have experienced a slight increase.

In conclusion
, the graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 18 to 29 had the highest
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percentages
of Twitter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
by 2013 and surpassed all the
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other
3
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lines
. The
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 30 to 49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
was similar to the
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age
of 50 to 64
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
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users
whose
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age
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
Use "(over)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
over
than 65 had the lowest
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percentage
of Twitter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
this period of 3 years.
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IELTS academic The use of twitter by age group of in USA between November 2010 and May 2013

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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