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Compare the graph of population in different countries

Compare the graph of population in different countries JwNQE
The line graph below illustrates the percentage of citizens between 65 years old and over in three countries between the time period of 1940 and 2040. Over the span of 100 years, these percentages are expected to increase exponentially and Japan will surpass Sweden and USA in around 2030 to 2040 which is around 27 % higher than the others. The similarity of the percentage of citizens between 65 years old and over both in 1940 and 2040 are Sweden and USA between 5% and 10% in 1940 while in 2040 these two countries will be practically 20 to 25% higher. On the other hand around the year 2000 and 2040 there was a noticeable change between these two countries. From 2000 to 2020 Sweden's line fluctuated approximately 15% to 20% whereas the USA stayed constant at almost 15%. The population of these two countries will increase to around 25% in 2040, but Sweden will surpass the USA. The percentage of citizens between 65 years old and over in Japan consistently remained constant from 1940 to around 2005 and increased exactly from 5% to 10% from around 2005 to 2030. In contrast Japan will extremely skyrocket and exceed Sweden and USA in about 2030 to 2040 which is the highest percentage of all. In conclusion Japan will become the highest populated country out of the three by the year 2040 while Sweden and USA will remain almost the same from 1940 to 2040.
The line graph below illustrates the
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percentage
of citizens between 65 years
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old
and
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over
in three
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countries
between the time period of 1940 and 2040.
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Over
the span of 100 years, these
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percentages
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to increase
exponentially
and
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Japan
will surpass Sweden and USA in
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around
2030 to 2040 which is
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around
27 % higher than the others.

The similarity of the
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percentage
of citizens between 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
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over
both in 1940 and 2040 are Sweden and USA between 5% and 10% in 1940 while in 2040 these two
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countries
will be
practically
20 to 25% higher.
On the other hand
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around
the
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year
2000 and 2040 there was a noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
between these two
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countries
. From 2000 to 2020 Sweden's line fluctuated approximately 15% to 20% whereas the USA stayed constant at almost 15%. The population of these two
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countries
will increase to
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around
25% in 2040,
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but
Sweden will surpass the USA.

The
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percentage
of citizens between 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
in
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Japan
consistently
remained constant from 1940 to
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around
2005 and increased exactly from 5% to 10% from
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around
2005 to 2030. In
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contrast
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Japan
will
extremely
skyrocket and exceed Sweden and USA in about 2030 to 2040 which is the highest
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percentage
of all.

In conclusion
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Japan
will become the highest populated
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country
out of the three by the
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year
2040 while Sweden and USA will remain almost the same from 1940 to 2040.
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IELTS academic Compare the graph of population in different countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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