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main source of energy production

main source of energy production n6p2P
There were different changes in the figure in the period The pie charts outline the main sources of energy which were used to produce electricity, including oil, natural gas, coal, hydroelectric power and nuclear power in the United States between 1980 and 1990, which is measured by percentage. Overall, as can be seen from the charts, there were different changes in the figure in the period. Especially, the proportion of oil was the highest in both 1980 and 1990. Looking at the charts in more detail, in 1980, the proportion of oil was 42% while the data of natural gas and coal were under 30% with 26% and 22% orderly. While, the percentage of hydroelectric power was the same as the ratio of nuclear power with 5%. After ten years, in 1990, the figure for oil decreased dramatically to 33% while there was a slight decrease to 25% in natural gas. Meanwhile the percentage of coal increased to 27%. Followed by the data of hydroelectric power and nuclear power, while the ratio of hydroelectric power was still 5% which was also the lowest, finally the proportion of nuclear power increased more than twice.
There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the figure in the period

The pie charts outline the main sources of energy which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to produce electricity, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
, natural gas, coal, hydroelectric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
and nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
in the United States between 1980 and 1990, which
is measured
by percentage.

Overall
, as can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the charts, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the figure in the period.
Especially
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
was the highest in both 1980 and 1990.

Looking at the charts in more detail, in 1980, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
was 42% while the data of natural gas and coal were under 30% with 26% and 22% orderly. While, the percentage of hydroelectric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
was the same as the ratio of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
with 5%.

After ten years, in 1990, the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
decreased
dramatically
to 33% while there was a slight decrease to 25% in natural gas.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the percentage of coal increased to 27%. Followed by the data of hydroelectric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
and nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
, while the ratio of hydroelectric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
was
still
5% which was
also
the lowest,
finally
the proportion of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
increased more than twice.
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IELTS academic main source of energy production

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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