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diagram about radar and satelite

diagram about radar and satelite pRQYL
What has been depicted in the illustration below, is a survey on how primary information are collected, analyzed, and eventually prepared for the public announcement which is conducted by Australia Bureau of Meteorology. Readily understood through the diagram, how severe it is to investigate the entire process and how much efforts are dedicated at the behind scene. At the outset, desired data are gathered by satellite, radar, and also drifting buoy in the middle of the sea. Next, the obtained knowledge of weather circumstance is transmitted to analyzing segment of the whole process. As enormous the size of data is, there is no adequate human source available to deal with that amount of information. Regarding the indicated issue, presence of a well-equipped computing system is a must. So, after compressing and conveying them all to computer to be analyzed and prepared for the broadcast section as well. At the final step some public media are designated for scattering like TV, radio, and recorded announcement. Now it’s feasible to perceive the value of an ordinary weather forecasting, isn’t it?
What has
been depicted
in the illustration below, is a survey on how primary information
are collected
, analyzed, and
eventually
prepared for the public announcement which
is conducted
by Australia Bureau of Meteorology.
Readily
understood through the diagram, how severe it is to investigate the entire process and how
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
efforts
are dedicated
at the behind scene.

At the outset, desired data
are gathered
by satellite, radar, and
also
drifting buoy in the middle of the sea.
Next
, the obtained knowledge of weather circumstance
is transmitted
to analyzing segment of the whole process. As enormous the size of data is, there is no adequate human source available to deal with that amount of information.

Regarding the indicated issue, presence of a well-equipped computing system is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, after compressing and conveying them all to computer to
be analyzed
and prepared for the broadcast section
as well
. At the final step
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public media
are designated
for scattering like TV, radio, and recorded announcement.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it’s feasible to perceive the value of an ordinary weather forecasting, isn’t it?

IELTS academic diagram about radar and satelite

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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