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main reasons for the students to study with their own interest and with their employer support

main reasons for the students to study with their own interest and with their employer support lLq1W
The given two bar graphs illustrates about important reasons related to education of various students with different age factors and as well as the amount of hold up that their employers are given to them. Overall, Almost 80% of the students under the age of 26 are willing to continue their education for their career only, but the people over age of 49 are wanted to pursue their education with their personal interest only. For the people under the age of 26 they are getting up to 65% of their employer support. 80% students under the age of 26 are mostly willing to continue their education for their career purposes only and within the same age 10% of the students are willing to study with their interest. Nearly 70% of the students in the age of 26-29 are interested to continue their education to develop their career and over the age of 49 almost 70% of them wanted to study with their own interest. Coming to their employer hold up nearly 65% of them supporting the people under the age 26 and also they are encouraging within the age of 26-29 and hardly only 35% are keeping up for the age group in between 30-39.
The
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given
two bar graphs illustrates about
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important
reasons related to
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education
of various
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students
with
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different
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age
factors and
as well
as the amount of hold up that their employers are
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given
to them.

Overall
, Almost 80% of the
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students
under the
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age
of 26 are willing to continue their
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education
for their career
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only
,
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but
the
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people
over
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age
of 49
are wanted
to pursue their
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education
with their personal interest
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only
. For the
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people
under the
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age
of 26 they are getting up to 65% of their employer support.

80%
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students
under the
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age
of 26 are
mostly
willing to continue their
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education
for their career purposes
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only
and within the same
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age
10% of the
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students
are willing to study with their interest.
Nearly
70% of the
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students
in the
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age
of 26-29
are interested
to continue their
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education
to develop their career and over the
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age
of 49 almost 70% of them wanted to study with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest.

Coming to their employer hold up
nearly
65% of them supporting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
26 and
also
they are encouraging within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 26-29 and hardly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
35% are keeping up for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group in between 30-39.
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IELTS academic main reasons for the students to study with their own interest and with their employer support

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
205 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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