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line graph showing purchase of music

line graph showing purchase of music WqG7q
The line graph illustrates the percentage of sales that happened over the years 2011 to 2018 as the population purchased the music through the epitome of methods such as streams, downloads, and CDs. Overall, there was a decline in sales of downloads from 2014, whereas the streams kept on increasing over the years till 2018. However, the number of CDs purchased dipped from 2011 to 2018. In 2011, the majority of music sales were CDs, at 55% of all sales. Also, although people started to download music, which represented about 35%. As the sale of CDs among people steadily dipped between the years 2011 and 2018, whereas the streams drastically saw an upsurge and overtook the CDs purchased in mid-2016, and ended around 41% transcation in the year of 2018. The sales of downloads were 43% in mid-2014 but fell to 30% by the year of 2015 and steadiely decreased to 30%. Streaming, on the other hand, overtook the sale of CDs in mid-2016 and downloads in the year 2017 to reach its peak sales of 41% in 2018.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of
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sales
that happened over the years 2011 to 2018 as the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
the music through the epitome of methods such as streams,
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downloads
, and CDs.

Overall
, there was a decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
from 2014, whereas the streams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on increasing over the years till 2018.
However
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
dipped from 2011 to 2018.

In 2011, the majority of music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
, at 55% of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
Also
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to download music, which represented about 35%. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
steadily
dipped between the years 2011 and 2018, whereas the streams
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
 an upsurge and overtook the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
in mid-2016, and ended around 41%
Possible spelling mistake found.
transcation
in the
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year
of 2018.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
were 43% in mid-2014
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fell to 30% by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 2015 and
Possible spelling mistake found.
steadiely
decreased to 30%. Streaming,
on the other hand
, overtook the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of CDs in mid-2016 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2017 to reach its peak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of 41% in 2018.
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IELTS academic line graph showing purchase of music

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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