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Line chart between country region and city region

Line chart between country region and city region 1a2VM
This line chart depicts the ratio of unemployed work force compared with the whole population between two cases: country region and, city region. It is clear from tha graph that the ratio fluctuate throughout period According to what is shown, rural region an, urban region illustrated that in first quarter of the year in the city areas have dropped from almost 7 to 4. 5 percent. In the next quarter the number of the unemployed work force in the rural region start to go up slightly and the growth stopped in the level between 5 and, 6. Meanwhile, the performance of unemployed work force in the country region had increased from almost 2 to4 percentage in the second quarter. Following this for some union reasons the ratio sink to where it begin 2 percent. After that the ratio go up like a rocket to 5 percent. To sum up we could say that the number of the unemployed force in the two region become the same and that I believe is a good sign
This line chart depicts the
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ratio
of
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unemployed
work
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force
compared with the whole population between two cases: country
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region
and, city
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region
. It is
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clear
from
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tha
graph that the
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ratio
fluctuate throughout
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
period


According to what
is shown
, rural
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region
Did you forget something after 'an'?
an,
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
illustrated that in
first
quarter of the year in the city areas have dropped from almost 7 to 4. 5 percent. In the
next
quarter the number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to go up
slightly
and the growth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
in the level between 5 and, 6.

Meanwhile, the performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
in the country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
had increased from almost 2 to4 percentage in the second quarter. Following this for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
union reasons the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
sink to where it
Did you mean "begins"?
begin
2 percent.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that the
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ratio
go up like a rocket to 5 percent.

To sum up we could say that the number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
in the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
become the same and that I believe is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
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IELTS academic Line chart between country region and city region

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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