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Land degradation in three areas

Land degradation in three areas 5kx1V
The pie chart gives information about main factors in worldwide land degradation, while the table gives information about the proportion of these effects in three particular regions. Overall, over-grazing, forest clearance and over-cultivation were major causes of soil deterioration in the world. It is also clear that, the proportion of degraded land in Europe was higher compared to the other two areas. Over-grazing was responsible for a high of 35% of degradation of soil globally, while the index for deforestation and over cultivation was almost proportional(30%and 28%) The total of poor quality land in Europe was equal to 23% with North America having the least proportion, 5%. In terms of deforestation and over cultivation, their percentage in Europe was the highest among other regions accounting for 9. 8 and 7. 7 accordingly. However, in Oceania 11. 3 of land was made infertile due to livestock. It also noticeable that no soil in this region was degraded by overusing.
The pie chart gives information about main factors in worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
degradation, while the table gives information about the proportion of these effects in three particular regions.

Overall
, over-grazing, forest clearance and over-cultivation were major causes of soil deterioration in the world. It is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, the proportion of degraded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
in Europe was higher compared to the other two areas.

Over-grazing was responsible for a high of 35% of degradation of soil globally, while the index for deforestation and over cultivation was almost proportional(30%and 28%)

The total of poor quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
in Europe was equal to 23% with North America having the least proportion, 5%.

In terms of deforestation and over cultivation, their percentage in Europe was the highest among other regions accounting for 9. 8 and 7. 7
accordingly
.

However
, in Oceania 11. 3 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
was made
infertile due to livestock.
It seems that a verb is missing after "It". Please verify.
It
also
noticeable that no soil in this region
was degraded
by overusing.
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IELTS academic Land degradation in three areas

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
158 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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