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The bar chart shows how many tickets were sold to sports events, theme parks and movies in 2009 and the table reveals ticket prices to various venues in the same year. Going to the cinema was both the most popular and the cheapest form of entertainment in 2009.

The bar chart shows how many tickets were sold to sports events, theme parks and movies in 2009 and the table reveals ticket prices to various venues in the same year. Going to the cinema was both the most popular and the cheapest form of entertainment in 2009. obq0D
The charts represents, attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. The number of admissions of sports is lower than all venues, cinemas admissions is thrice of theme parks. The approximate attendance of sports is less than two lakhs, theme parks is about 3 lakhs and cinemas is more than ten lakhs. The total cost of price of ticket reduces when it bought in family package for 4 people, this is a lucaritive option for group goers whereas the price is slightly high for single ticket purchase. The NRU Football game gets the most discount which is 4$ when it bought in family pack while other football games has a quantum difference of 2$. The most profitable event for group goers is the theme parks which is just 52. 5$ per head when it bought in this special pack where as non-package price is about 70$ per head. The event which shows the lowest difference in discount is basketball which is 1$. This feature benefits the people who go as family who are in multiplication of four, also if a person has planning to attend with 5 people, he/she can be make use of the lucaritve package for 4 and buy normal ticket for the other 2.
The charts
You should probably use "represent".
represents
, attendance at entertainment venues and admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
to those venues in 2009.

The number of admissions of sports is lower than all venues, cinemas admissions is thrice of theme parks.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
approximate attendance of sports is less than two lakhs, theme parks is about 3 lakhs and cinemas is more than ten lakhs.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
total cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of ticket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in family package for 4
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, this is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
lucaritive
option for group goers whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
is
slightly
high for single ticket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
NRU Football game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the most discount which is
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$4".
4$
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in family pack while other football games has a quantum difference of
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$2".
2$
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
most profitable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
for group goers is the theme parks which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
52.
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$5".
5$
per head when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in this special pack
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
non-package
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
is about
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$70".
70$
per head. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the lowest difference in discount is basketball which is
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$1".
1$
.

This feature benefits the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who go as family who are in multiplication of four,
also
if a person has planning to attend with 5
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, he/she can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
lucaritve
package for 4 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
normal ticket for the other 2.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows how many tickets were sold to sports events, theme parks and movies in 2009 and the table reveals ticket prices to various venues in the same year. Going to the cinema was both the most popular and the cheapest form of entertainment in 2009.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
211 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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