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Internet use of females in America

Internet use of females in America OyVm7
This given bar chart shows data on the use of internet by females of various ages in two different years. Overall, the majority of the percentages of internet use increased in the following year of 2000 in 2001 in most age groups of females. In the year 2000 the highest percentage of internet use could be found in the age group of 12 to 15 with 91 per cent, while the age group of 65+was at the bottom with just 20 percent. With 91 per cent teenagers between the age of 12 to 15 had more than four times internet use than 65+ women. The second highest proportion was found in the same year with nearly 90 percent on the age group of 16 to 18 year old female teenagers. In the meantime 19 to 24 year old females had a percentage of 80 per cent.  In the following year in 2001 a massive shift was seen. The most change could be seen in the age of 36 to 45 year old women. From the previous year with 68 per cent, in 2001 an increase was experienced to 83 per cent. The internet use of the age group of 19 to24 year old females remained unchanged with 80 per cent, whereas the percentage of 16 to 18 year old females rise up to 100 per cent.
This
given
bar chart
shows
data on the
use
of internet by
females
of various
ages
in two
different
years.

Overall
, the majority of the
percentages
of internet
use
increased in the following
year
of 2000 in 2001 in most
age
groups
of
females
. In the
year
2000 the highest
percentage
of internet
use
could
be found
in the
age
group
of 12 to 15 with 91 per cent, while the
age
group
of 65+was at the bottom with
just
20 percent. With 91 per cent
teenagers
between the
age
of 12 to 15 had more than four times internet
use
than 65+ women. The second highest proportion
was found
in the same
year
with
nearly
90 percent on the
age
group
of 16 to 18
year
old
female
teenagers
. In the meantime 19 to 24
year
old
females
had a
percentage
of 80 per cent.  In the following
year
in 2001 a massive shift was
seen
. The most
change
could be
seen
in the
age
of 36 to 45
year
old
women. From the previous
year
with 68 per cent, in 2001 an increase
was experienced
to 83 per cent. The internet
use
of the
age
group
of 19 to24
year
old
females
remained unchanged with 80 per cent, whereas the
percentage
of 16 to 18
year
old
females
rise up to 100 per cent.
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IELTS academic Internet use of females in America

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
226 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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