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illustrate the line graph

illustrate the line graph 6mx3j
The line graph compares monthly spending by citizens Miami, New York, Portland and Los Angeles on technology in a period of six months, from January to Jun. It is clear that Portland store’s sales had a growth but still be at last position, while purchasing number in NY and Miami nearly stabilized during the period, while LA experienced a slightly decreased. From Jan to feb, la and Portland store both had a sharp reduction by 50 products, to 145 and 50 in turn. After that, the selling rate in LA continued to went down marginally over the next 3 months, from 145 to 130, then slightly increased to 140 in Jun. In contrast, Miami store saw a climb to 80 after hitting the low, and gradually grew to 120 in 3 following months. The Miamian paid out of tech exp an upward trend in the first 4 month, then drop to 140 at last. On the other hand, sales in ny store fell by 10 in 3 months, frm jan to apr, then increased and became the leader store of jun, recorded 180 items sold.
The line graph compares monthly spending by citizens Miami, New York, Portland and Los Angeles on technology in a period of six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
, from January to Jun.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Portland
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store’s
sales had a growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
be at last position, while purchasing number in NY and Miami
nearly
stabilized during the period, while LA experienced a
slightly
decreased.

From Jan to
Possible spelling mistake found.
feb
, la and Portland
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
both had a sharp reduction by 50 products, to 145 and 50 in turn. After that, the selling rate in LA continued to went down
marginally
over the
next
3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
, from 145 to 130, then
slightly
increased to 140 in Jun.
In contrast
, Miami
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a climb to 80 after hitting the low, and
gradually
grew to 120 in 3 following months.

The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Miamian
paid out of tech exp an upward trend in the
first
4
Possible agreement error. The noun 'month' seems to be countable, so consider using: "months".
month
, then drop to 140 at last.
On the other hand
, sales in
Possible spelling mistake found.
ny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
fell by 10 in 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
frm
Possible spelling mistake found.
jan
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
apr
, then increased and became the leader
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
of jun, recorded 180 items sold.
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IELTS academic illustrate the line graph

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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