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ielts writing task1 two different charts

ielts writing task1 two different charts 2RKw6

The bar chart compares the number of males and females attending four different evening cources in 2009, and the pie chart illustrates the ages profile of these cource attendees. It is clear that significantly more women than men attended in a drama, painting and language cources at the tuition centre. We can also see that evening cources were much popular among older adults. According to the bar chart, drama, painting and language corces attracted mpre women than men in 2009, with 40 females and 20males. Another type of evening cource is a painting, which was a popular choice among both gendres, with 25 males and 30females. Men more attended cource of sculpture mere 10. Looking at the age profile pie chart, the majority of people was old than 40. To be precise, 42% between 50 and over, 26% between 40 and 49. Young adults were in the minority, with 11% between 20 and 29, 5% aged under 20.

The bar You use this word too often, consider replacing it withblueprintgraphsketchtable
chart
 compares the number of males and females attending four This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:various
different
 evening Possible spelling mistake found.sourcescoursescoerces
cources
 in 2009, and the pie You use this word too often, consider replacing it withblueprintgraphsketchtable
chart
 illustrates the ages profile of these Possible spelling mistake found.coursesourcecoerce
cource
 attendees.

It is This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :apparent
clear
 that significantly
 more women than This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsresidentscitizens
men
 attended in a drama, painting and language Possible spelling mistake found.sourcescoursescoerces
cources
 at the tuition Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.center
centre
. We can also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :witness
see
 that evening Possible spelling mistake found.sourcescoursescoerces
cources
 were much popular among older adults.

According to the bar You use this word too often, consider replacing it withblueprintgraphsketchtable
chart
, drama, painting and language Possible spelling mistake found.forcescoresCortescoerces
corces
 attracted Possible spelling mistake found.moreMoremeremareMPRmire
mpre
 women than This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsresidentscitizens
men
 in 2009, with 40 females and 20males. Another type of evening Possible spelling mistake found.coursesourcecoerce
cource
 is a painting, which was a popular choice among both Possible spelling mistake found.genresgenders
gendres
, with 25 males and 30females. This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsresidentscitizens
Men
 more attended Possible spelling mistake found.coursesourcecoerce
cource
 of sculpture mere 10.

Looking at the age profile pie You use this word too often, consider replacing it withblueprintgraphsketchtable
chart
, the majority of This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 was Use "elder", "older" to make a comparison with this adjective.elderolder
old
 than 40. To be precise, 42% between 50 and over, 26% between 40 and 49. Young adults were in the minority, with 11% between 20 and 29, 5% aged under 20. 