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Ownership of computer by students

Ownership of computer by students VwyXm
The graphs provide information about the computer ownership and by level of education rate of the population from 2002 to 2010. Overall, the computer ownership graph illustrates upward trend throughout this years. Whereas, the computer ownership by education level graph depicts upward trend too. Moreover, the ownership of computers percentages is increased year by year. In terms of computer ownership graph, in the years 2002 and 2010. in 2002, the computer ownership percentage was less than 60 and after 2 years it was about 60%. After that, in the year 2006, the rate was below 70 then in next 2 years it became approximately 70%. Furthermore, it was considerably less than 80% in 2010. In the course of computer ownership by education level, about 15% of people have the ownership of computer who did not have any high school diploma in 2002. Whereas, in 2010 it was above 40%. The people who graduated from high school and have a ownership of computer their rate was well below 40 in 2002 which is increased about 30% in 2010. Moreover, the people who did not finished college their percentages of computer ownership approximately 55 and 85 in 2002 and 2010. Whereas, in case of bachelor's degree (about 70 and 90%). In the last, postgraduate qualification their rate was around 75 and 95% in the years 2002 and 2010.
The
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graphs
provide information about the computer
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ownership
and by level of education
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rate
of the population from 2002 to 2010.

Overall
, the computer
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ownership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
illustrates upward trend throughout
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
this years
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the computer
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ownership
by education level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
depicts upward trend too.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
of computers percentages
is increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
by year.

In terms of computer
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ownership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
, in the years 2002 and 2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
2002, the computer
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ownership
percentage was less than 60 and after 2 years it was about 60%. After that, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2006, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was below 70 then in
next
2 years it became approximately 70%.
Furthermore
, it was
considerably
less than 80% in 2010.

In the course of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
by education level, about 15% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
of computer who did not have any high school diploma in 2002.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, in 2010 it was above 40%. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who graduated from high school and have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
of computer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was well below 40 in 2002 which
is increased
about 30% in 2010.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who did not finished college their percentages of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
approximately 55 and 85 in 2002 and 2010. Whereas, in case of bachelor's degree (about 70 and 90%). In the last, postgraduate qualification their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was around 75 and 95% in the years 2002 and 2010.
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IELTS academic Ownership of computer by students

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
226 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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