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How students in Britain spend their free time

How students in Britain spend their free time nxRYe
The pie graph shows what britain undergraduate from primary to tertiary school occupy their time by 5 or more hours a week. Overall, the majority watch TV, and used the internet in the same way. Tertiary students are more concerned than the other to have a work during their free time, however a little part of secondary one do this too. Primary undergraduate majority pass their leisure time watching TV or developed extra-school skills. Watching TV is the most common activity for all of the students from all level, about 60% in primary and secondary courses and an half of tertiary students. The trend about homework illustrates primary students overhaul less than tertiary. 30% of primary undergraduates take 5 or more hour a week for homework against 50% in tertiary.
The pie graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
what
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britain
undergraduate from
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primary
to tertiary school occupy their time by 5 or more hours a week.
Overall
, the majority
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watch
TV, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the internet
in the same way
. Tertiary
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students
are more concerned than the other to have a work during their free time,
however
a
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little
part of secondary one do this too.
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Primary
undergraduate majority pass their leisure time watching TV or developed extra-school
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skills
. Watching TV is the most common activity for
Consider using "all the".
all of the
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students
from all level, about 60% in
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primary
and secondary courses and
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
half of tertiary
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students
. The trend about homework illustrates
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primary
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students
overhaul less than tertiary. 30% of
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primary
undergraduates take 5 or more
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hour
a week for homework against 50% in tertiary.
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IELTS academic How students in Britain spend their free time

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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