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How people aged 25 to 34 are housed in UK

How people aged 25 to 34 are housed in UK Prw9B
The bar chart provides information about the way that people by the age of 25 to 34 are accomodated in united kingdom. The horizontal axis, illustrates the percentage and the horizontaxis states the years since 2004 to 2014. Also there are two types of bars. One of the bars shows Home owners and the green bar states Renters. In 2004 the percentage of Home owners in UK is the highest and is almost 60 percent. In addition, in 2014 the percentage of Home owners is about 35% which is the lowest number. The total trend is decreasing slightly. In comparison, the number of Renters aged 25 to 34 in UK had increased substantially since 2004 till 2014. The most significant percentage of Renters was for 2014 which is around 50 percent. Although the lowest number is for the first bar which is for 2004 and is 20%. Also, the numbers of Renters were fixed from 2005 to 2006 and since 2011 till 2012 which was about consequentively 20% and 40%. Overall, since 2004 untill 2014 the numbers of House renter had increased dramatically, but in the other hand, the percentage of home owner has plummetted slightly.
The bar chart provides information about the way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by the age of 25 to 34 are
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accomodated
in
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
united kingdom
. The horizontal axis, illustrates the
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percentage
and the
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horizontaxis
states the years since 2004 to 2014.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there are two types of bars. One of the bars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
Home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
and the green bar states
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Renters
. In 2004 the
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percentage
of Home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
in UK is the highest and is almost 60 percent.
In addition
, in 2014 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of Home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
is about 35% which is the lowest
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number
. The total trend is decreasing
slightly
.
In comparison
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Renters
aged 25 to 34 in UK had increased
substantially
since 2004 till 2014. The most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Renters
was for 2014 which is around 50 percent. Although the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
is for the
first
bar which is for 2004 and is 20%.
Also
, the
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numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Renters
were
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fixed
from 2005 to 2006 and since 2011 till 2012 which was about
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consequentively
20% and 40%.
Overall
, since 2004
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untill
2014 the
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numbers
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
House
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renter
had increased
dramatically
,
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but
in the other hand, the
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percentage
of home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
has
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plummetted
slightly
.
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IELTS academic How people aged 25 to 34 are housed in UK

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
196 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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