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How average middle-income families spent their household budget in 2012 and 2015

How average middle-income families spent their household budget in 2012 and 2015 9aMPx
The pie chart shows how average middle-income families spent their household budget in 2012 and 2015. In 2012, it was distributed evenly. But, In 2015 half of their household budget went to housing. In 2012, they distributed their household budget evenly. Housing cost was most high one with 35%. And food, clothes were same as vacations and leisure with 25% of their budget. Lastly, misc was only 15%. In 2015, the percentages of catogories have changed sharply. Housing cost rose to 50% of the budget. And the food and clothes increased to 35%. However vacations, leisure and misc have dropped to 10% and 5% of the household budget. In general, housing and food and clothes’s cost have risen sharply in period of 3 years. Meanwhile other budget has dropped to small percentages.
The pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how average middle-income families spent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
in 2012 and 2015. In 2012, it
was distributed
evenly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, In 2015 half of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
went to housing. In 2012, they distributed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
evenly
. Housing cost was
Did you mean "the most"?
most
high one with 35%. And food, clothes were same as vacations and leisure with 25% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
.
Lastly
, misc was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15%. In 2015, the percentages of
Possible spelling mistake found.
catogories
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
sharply
. Housing cost rose to 50% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
. And the food and clothes increased to 35%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
vacations, leisure and misc have dropped to 10% and 5% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
.
In general
, housing and food and
Did you mean "clothe’s" or "clothes’"?
clothes’s
cost have risen
sharply
in period of 3 years.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
has dropped to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentages.
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IELTS academic How average middle-income families spent their household budget in 2012 and 2015

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
132 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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