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Hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals

Hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals 707k3
The given bar chart indicates the mean of working hours per week of eight different professions, while the pie chart illustrates the percentages of people who struggle with stress-related disease. Overall, although business owners work more hours they have fewer anxiety issues. Moreover, despite lower working hours, teachers suffer from stress-related illnesses more. As it can be seen, businessmen work almost about (approximately) 70 hours a week and that is higher than any other professional. Regardless of this longer hours, their percentage of work-stress issues is lower which is 11%. Doctors and movie producers work 60 and more than 50 hours per week, which are the second highest. Their percentages of illnesses from stress account for 15 and 18 percent respectively. Writers, programmers, lawyers and chefs work 47, 40, 37 and 30 hours in a week. People working in these jobs have considerably fewer stress issues. Interestingly, lecturers with the least working hours in a week, only 25 hours, suffer from stress-related sicknesses more. It is one in four lecturers. All in all, this signifies that ailments from job stress is not related to the working hours of these professionals.
The
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given
bar chart indicates the mean of
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working
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hours
per
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week
of eight
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different
professions, while the pie chart illustrates the percentages of
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people
who struggle with
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stress
-related disease.
Overall
, although business owners
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work
more
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hours
they have fewer anxiety issues.
Moreover
, despite lower
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working
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hours
, teachers suffer from
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stress
-related illnesses more.

As it can be
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seen
, businessmen
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work
almost about (approximately) 70
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hours
a
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week
and
that is
higher than any other professional. Regardless of this longer
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hours
, their percentage of work-
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stress
issues is lower which is 11%. Doctors and movie producers
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work
60 and more than 50
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hours
per
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week
, which are the second highest. Their percentages of illnesses from
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stress
account for 15 and 18 percent
respectively
. Writers, programmers, lawyers and chefs
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work
47, 40, 37 and 30
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hours
in a
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week
.
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People
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working
in these jobs have
considerably
fewer
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stress
issues.
Interestingly
, lecturers with the least
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working
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hours
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
,
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only
25
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hours
, suffer from
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stress
-related sicknesses more. It is one in four lecturers.

All in all, this signifies that ailments from job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is not related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of these professionals.
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IELTS academic Hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
190 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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