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“Each year, 13 boxers on average die in the ring ! ( Source : CNN ). These deaths are completely avoidable, if a complete ban on combat sports was implemented. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and Include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

“Each year, 13 boxers on average die in the ring! ( Source: CNN ). These deaths are completely avoidable, if a complete ban on combat sports was implemented. xxQy6
In the given statement the presented argument is that combat sports ought to be strictly prohibited as those can cause death among the participants. Obviously, a plethora of justifications can be found in favor and against this stand, but I am more inclined to disagree with it. To begin with, banning combat sports is not the answer, instead, the authority should make sure that the arenas and venues hosting those events are doing so maintaining the required safety standards. Risk is always involved with every kind of sporting activity and the instances are not rare to find when the players got injured while taking part in a sport that is considered safe. What's more, people can seriously hurt themselves while executing the most mundane duties of life like crossing a road or cooking a meal. Surely, the sensible course of action would not be to ban sports in general or abstain from walking or cooking, but to take adequate safety measures. It goes without saying, the government should not have the power to dictate which game is for the citizens to take part in, and an individual should have the freedom to engage in a rather dangerous activity without the undue interferences of the authority. Not to mention, thousands of people, including the players depend on those games to earn a living; thus, a complete ban would leave them jobless. On the other hand, an argument can be made that it is the responsibility of the government to make sure that the citizens are safe and as sports like boxing or wrestling can get deadly not only for the participants but also for the spectators, those ought to be banned. Some might even suggest people who enjoy those games should turn their attention to other safer activities. Except, safety precautions would be enough to maintain public safety, and we can not expect people to be monolithic in their choices. To sum up. I am convinced, in order to curb the number of fatalities, instead of banning the more practical and effective measure would be to impose safety measures and regulations.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement the presented argument is that combat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
ought to be
strictly
prohibited as those can cause death among the participants.
Obviously
, a plethora of justifications can
be found
in favor and against this stand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am more inclined to disagree with it. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, banning combat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is not the answer,
instead
, the authority should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the arenas and venues hosting those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
maintaining the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
standards.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Risk
is always involved with every kind of sporting activity and the instances are not rare to find when the players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
injured while taking part in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
that
is considered
safe. What's more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
seriously
hurt themselves while executing the most mundane duties of life like crossing a road or cooking a meal.
Surely
, the sensible course of action would not be to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in general
or abstain from walking or cooking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to take adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
measures. It goes without saying, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not have the power to dictate which game is for the citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in, and an individual should have the freedom to engage in a
rather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
activity without the undue interferences of the authority. Not to mention, thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, including the players depend on those games to earn a living;
thus
, a complete ban would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them jobless.

On the other hand
, an argument can
be made
that it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the citizens are safe and as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like boxing or wrestling can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deadly not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the participants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the spectators, those ought to
be banned
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
might even suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who enjoy those games should turn their attention to other safer activities. Except,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
precautions would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to maintain public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
, and we can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be monolithic in their choices.

To sum up. I
am convinced
, in order to curb the number of fatalities,
instead
of banning the more practical and effective measure would be to impose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
safety
measures and regulations.
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IELTS academic “Each year, 13 boxers on average die in the ring! ( Source: CNN ). These deaths are completely avoidable, if a complete ban on combat sports was implemented.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
350 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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