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unemployed people in tow countries United States and Japan from 1993 to 1999

unemployed people in tow countries United States and Japan from 1993 to 1999 N3Kpb
This line graph depicts the ratio of unemployed people in tow countries United States and Japan from 1993 to 1999. It is clear from the graph that, there was a contradiction in the rates between the tow nations. According to What is Show. In United States the rate Start From 7. 5 in 1993 March than Significantly decreased to 5. 5 in 1995 March. Then it stayed at the same level for about a year then drop significantly under to 4. 5. While the figure in Japan begin from 2. 0 in the Similar period and then gradually rose to 3. 5 in 1 996 march. After that it stay steady for one year then it reached the highest level in 1999. To Sum up, we could say that, meanwhile the percentage of the workforce in Japan and USA were very different but in 1999 March both of them had approximately the same number of unemployed.
This line graph depicts the ratio of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in tow countries United States and Japan from 1993 to 1999. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that, there was a contradiction in the rates between the tow nations.

According to What is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Show
.
A determiner is probably missing here: "In the United States".
In United States
the rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Start
From 7. 5 in 1993 March than
Significantly
decreased to 5. 5 in 1995 March. Then it stayed at the same level for about a year then drop
significantly
under to 4. 5.

“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the figure in Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
from 2. 0 in the Similar period and then
gradually
rose to 3. 5 in 1 996 march. After that it stay steady for one year then it reached the highest level in 1999.

To Sum up, we could say that, meanwhile the percentage of the workforce in Japan and USA were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 1999 March both of them had approximately the same number of unemployed.

IELTS academic unemployed people in tow countries United States and Japan from 1993 to 1999

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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