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Highest level of education of women in someland in 1945 and 1995

Highest level of education of women in someland in 1945 and 1995 MB7Po
The pie charts manifest how women's education in Someland changed by comparing the highest level of female education in 1995 with that of five decades earlier. Overall, notable progress in education was achieved by women in Someland. Initially, in 1945, more than one-third of women in Someland did not have any schooling experience while another one-third could manage education until third grade only. Less than 1% of women in this year managed to get their graduation or post-graduation degree. This reflects the poor education level among the female of Someland in 1945. After 50 years, the education level among women in Someland remarkably improved, and more than 50% of women finished their first degree while 20% of them completed their post-graduation. The remaining women either finished their 12th-grade education or studied till 9th grade. No women were left unattended to school and that’s remarkable progress for women in education in Someland.
The pie charts manifest how women's
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education
in
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Someland
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by comparing the highest level of female
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education
in 1995 with that of five decades earlier.
Overall
, notable progress in
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education
was achieved
by
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women
in
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Someland
.

Initially
, in 1945, more than one-third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
did not have any schooling experience while another one-third could manage
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education
until third grade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Less than 1% of
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women
in this year managed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their graduation or post-graduation degree. This reflects the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
level among the female of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
in 1945.

After 50 years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
level among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
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Someland
remarkably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, and more than 50% of
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women
finished their
first
degree while 20% of them completed their post-graduation. The remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
either finished their 12th-grade
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education
or studied till 9th grade. No
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women
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unattended to school and that’s remarkable progress for
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women
in
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education
in
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Someland
.
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IELTS academic Highest level of education of women in someland in 1945 and 1995

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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