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here are many people who believe that in order to preserve social order and safety, the death penalty must remain a punishment for serious crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

here are many people who believe that in order to preserve social order and safety, the death penalty must remain a punishment for serious crimes. 0MNpn
The question whether the death penalty must be given in the case of serious crime in order to maintain safety and security in society has drawn much attention from the public. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this statement. (capital punishment = death penalty) To begin with, the fundamental reasons for this trend are varied. First of all, the death penalty could deter criminals from committing serious crime. Human are most frightened in losing their life, therefore, the capital punishment is the best deterrent to prevent people from carrying out the worst crimes. Furthermore, this kind of punishment could appease the victims or the victim’s families. In other words, the death penalty for the serious murderers will be fair to the innocent victim and the criminal deserved it. For instance, those people who have their loved ones being killed by the criminal offense, will feel really wretched. Thus, the death penalty should be enforced on such serious criminal. In addition, without the death penalty, some criminals would continue to commits a crime. This will lead to the increase of violent crime. For instance, the offenders who commit the crime, will not be aware of the consequences since they will not lose their life, so that they will continue not to abide by the law. Moreover, it will limit prison overpopulation issues and the victims also may not be obsessed with the existence of the serial murderer. In conclusion, although there are still drawbacks of death penalty, but for the reasons I have mentioned above, I still believe that the death penalty must remain a punishment for serious crimes to preserve social order and safety.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "The question".
The question whether
the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in order to maintain safety and security in society has drawn much attention from the public. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

(capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
= death penalty)

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the fundamental reasons for this trend
are varied
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
could deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
from committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Human are most frightened in losing their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
,
therefore
, the capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is the best deterrent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from carrying out the worst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Furthermore
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
could appease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victims
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim’s
families.
In other words
, the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
murderers will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to the innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victim
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
deserved it.
For instance
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
being killed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
offense, will feel
really
wretched.
Thus
, the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
should
be enforced
on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
.
In addition
, without the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
would continue to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "commit".
commits
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. This will lead to the increase of violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For instance
, the offenders who commit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, will not be aware of the
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "since". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences since
they will not lose their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will continue not to abide by the law.
Moreover
, it will limit prison overpopulation issues and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
victims
also
may not
be obsessed
with the existence of the serial murderer.

In conclusion
, although there are
still
drawbacks of death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the reasons I have mentioned above, I
still
believe that the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
remain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
to preserve social order and safety.
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IELTS academic here are many people who believe that in order to preserve social order and safety, the death penalty must remain a punishment for serious crimes.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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