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Headly village eventually merging with Fonton city

Headly village eventually merging with Fonton city qVJxD
The below diagram shows the tiny town of Headly village eventually merging with Fonton city from the period 1925 to 1975 till now. In the year 1925, there was only headly village and Fonton city having railway track from East to North and Headly village from West to North. After 50 years the Fonton area has increased and many facilities are included in Headly village. Also highway is extended. Near South-West we can see local shop below highway and also there is leisure centre and housing estate. Now we can see that Fonton and Headly suburbs are merged together. Many new things are included like business park, hotel and instead of local shop, supermarket is build.
The below diagram
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shows
the tiny town of
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Headly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
eventually
merging with
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Fonton
city from the period 1925 to 1975 till
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now
. In the year 1925, there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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headly
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village
and
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Fonton
city having railway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
from East to North and
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Headly
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village
from West to North.

After 50 years the
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Fonton
area has increased and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facilities
are included
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Headly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
highway
is extended
. Near South-West we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
local shop below highway and
also
there is leisure
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and housing estate.

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Now
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
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Fonton
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Headly
suburbs
are merged
together.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
new things
are included
like business park, hotel and
instead
of local shop, supermarket is build.
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IELTS academic Headly village eventually merging with Fonton city

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
116 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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