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he number of tourists who went to three museums

he number of tourists who went to three museums 73E5y
The given line graph illustrates the number of tourists who went to three museums(British Museum, Natural History Museum and Science Museum)per month in summer between June and September in 2003. Overall, the British Museum was the most popular museum followed by Natural History Museum and Science Museum. British Museum showed a fluctuation pattern while Natural History Museum and Science Museum increased after decreasing over time. Looking at the details in June, the British Museum which started with 600 people increased gradually to peak in July accounting for around 750 people but it substantially decreased from 750 to 500 people until August ang showed a slow rise between August and September. In contrast, the National History Museum that started with around 550 citizens in June and decreased moderately from 550 to approximately 380 people until July and saw a levelling out between July and August and slowly increased again from 380 to 480 people until September was not so popular as British Museum. Comparatively, the least popular museum which began with 400 citizens in the initial month and showed a slight fall until August and significantly rose to a peak with nearly 440 between August and September was Science Museum.
The
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given
line graph illustrates the number of tourists who went to three museums(British
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Museum
, Natural
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History
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Museum
and
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Science
Museum)per month in summer between June and September in 2003.

Overall
, the British
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Museum
was the most popular
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museum
followed by Natural
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History
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Museum
and
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Science
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Museum
. British
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Museum
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a fluctuation pattern while Natural
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History
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
and
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Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
increased after decreasing over time.

Looking at the
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details
in June, the British
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Museum
which
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started
with 600
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people
increased
gradually
to peak in July accounting for around 750
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people
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but
it
substantially
decreased from 750 to 500
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people
until August ang
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showed
a slow rise between August and September.
In contrast
, the National
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History
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Museum
that
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started
with around 550 citizens in June and decreased
moderately
from 550 to approximately 380
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people
until July and
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saw
a levelling out between July and August and
slowly
increased again from 380 to 480
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people
until September was not
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so
popular as British
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Museum
.
Comparatively
, the least popular
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museum
which began with 400 citizens in the initial month and
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showed
a slight fall until August and
significantly
rose to a peak with
nearly
440 between August and September was
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Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
.
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IELTS academic he number of tourists who went to three museums

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
199 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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