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he line graph shows thefts per thousand vehicles in four countries

he line graph shows thefts per thousand vehicles in four countries mgEd
The line graph illustrate number of cars thefts per thousand in four different countries between 1990 to 1999. Overall, it can be notice that car thefts were highest in Great Britain compare other countries for the all period. To begin, car thefts in Sweden, France and Canada followed a quite similar form over the first five years, all between 5 and 10 per thousands. Although the general trend For France and Canada was a decline in the number of stolen cars over the period nearly 6 thousands in 1999. In opposite, Sweden experienced an upward tendency, starting the period at approximately 8 and finishing at just under 15. While in Sweden the number was upward, Great Britain fluctuated over the nine years. Started around 18 thousands which exceeded that of the other countries. Reaching a peak of 20 thefts per 1000 in 1996, ending the period slightly lower than where it began at just under 17 per thousand.
The line graph illustrate number of
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cars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thefts
per thousand in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1990 and 1999".
between 1990 to 1999
.
Overall
, it can be notice that
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car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thefts
were highest in Great Britain compare other countries for the all period.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thefts
in Sweden, France and Canada followed a quite similar form over the
first
five years, all between 5 and 10 per thousands. Although the general trend For France and Canada was a decline in the number of stolen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
over the period
nearly
6 thousands in 1999.

In opposite, Sweden experienced an upward tendency, starting the period at approximately 8 and finishing at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 15.

While in Sweden the number was upward, Great Britain fluctuated over the nine years.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Started
around 18 thousands which exceeded that of the other countries. Reaching a peak of 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thefts
per 1000 in 1996, ending the period
slightly
lower than where it began at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 17 per thousand.
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IELTS academic he line graph shows thefts per thousand vehicles in four countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
158 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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