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he following bar graph compares the age profiles of male and female cinema goers in the year 2012.

he following bar graph compares the age profiles of male and female cinema goers in the year 2012. 8dNLm
The bar chart commensurates the age porfiles of gents and ladies cinema goers in the year 2012. Overall, the histogram is subdivided in to five age groups with the average number of visits in percentage per year. Based on the graph the age group above 50 had highest number of frequency of visits as compared to the other age groups. In the bar graph, the adult group of both men and women visitied equal percentage in movie theater that was 7%. Similarly, it can be seen that the age group of 35-49 years also visited same average percent a year that was 25%. After analyzing, the men's average visits were higher than ladies movie theater visit in both the age groups 18-24 years and 25-34 years. In contrast, the average number of the visits of the men had lesser than women of the age group of 50 and over. After peruse the average number of the men visits to the movie theater were equal to the average number of visits of women to the theater.
The bar chart
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commensurates
the
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age
Possible spelling mistake found.
porfiles
of gents and ladies cinema goers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2012.

Overall
, the histogram
is subdivided
in to five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
in percentage per
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year
. Based on the graph the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
above 50 had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of frequency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
as compared to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.

In the bar graph, the adult
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group
of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
Possible spelling mistake found.
visitied
equal percentage in movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theater
that was 7%.
Similarly
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 35-49 years
also
visited same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
percent a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
that was 25%.

After analyzing, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
were higher than ladies movie
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theater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
in both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
18-24 years and 25-34 years.
In contrast
, the
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average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
had lesser than women of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 50 and over.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
peruse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
to the movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theater
were equal to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
of women to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theater
.
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IELTS academic he following bar graph compares the age profiles of male and female cinema goers in the year 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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