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he chart graph gives information about how many people work in three different sectors

he chart graph gives information about how many people work in three different sectors a7p1o
The chart graph gives information about how many people work in three different sectors of economy in Great Britain over the span of ten years from 2000 to 2010. There are public, private and self-employed. Overall, it can be seen that public and self-employed zone showed similar trend: the number of workers increased gradually during the time from 2006 to 2010, whereas in private sector we see the opposite trend. The amount of people who had a job in civil zone and was self-employed did not have a big change during two years in the beginning of period. Then the amount of employees in public zone increased moderately. Compared to this trend, self-employed experienced opposite, but by 2005 it started to grow and in the end of decade reached 30 million. Private sector started at under 50, after that went down consistently. In 2010 the data became 20, it was the lowest point. In conclusion, the majority of the UK citizens worked in public part and was self-employed. The others had job in private part, which numbers of that type of job decreased over the span.
The chart graph gives information about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
work in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors of economy in Great Britain over the span of ten years from 2000 to 2010. There are
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public
, private and self-employed.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and self-employed zone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
similar trend: the number of workers increased
gradually
during the time from 2006 to 2010, whereas in private sector we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the opposite trend.

The amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who had a job in civil zone and was self-employed did not have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
during two years in the beginning of period. Then the amount of employees in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
zone increased
moderately
. Compared to this trend, self-employed experienced opposite,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by 2005 it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to grow and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of decade reached 30 million.

Private sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at under 50, after that went down
consistently
. In 2010 the data became 20, it was the lowest point.

In conclusion
, the majority of the UK citizens worked in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
part and was self-employed. The others had job in private part, which numbers of that type of job decreased over the span.

IELTS academic he chart graph gives information about how many people work in three different sectors

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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