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Graph reveals the information about 6 years unemployment rate of between US and Japan

Graph reveals the information about 6 years unemployment rate of between US and Japan NrREg
Graph reveals the information about 6 years unemployment rate of between US and Japan. To commence with, in March 1993 unemployment rate gap between US and Japan was around 4. 5%. Then, it rose up and decreased in Japan and US. After the March 1994 rate of unemployment fell down and reached at 3. 6% and 5. 5% in Japan and US. As compare to previous year Japan had around same rate of unemployment and US had more 0. 4% in March 1995. After the March 1995, the rate of unemployment increased and reached at around 4. 4%, same scenario was in US. The rate of unemployment decreased and fell down to 5. 2%. In Japan, the rate of unemployment had risen and reached at 5. 2% when US had same rate in mid-year of 1998. Both countries had vast difference in rate of unemployment in March 1993, at the end in March 1999 both countries had same rated. Which was around 5. 0%.
Graph reveals the information about 6 years
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unemployment
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rate
of between US and Japan.

To commence with, in March 1993
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unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
gap between US and
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Japan
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
4. 5%. Then, it rose up and decreased in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and US. After the March 1994
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
fell down and reached at 3. 6% and 5. 5% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and US. As compare to previous year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
and US had more 0. 4% in March 1995. After the March 1995, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
increased and reached at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
4. 4%, same scenario was in US. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
decreased and fell down to 5. 2%. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
had risen and reached at 5. 2% when US had same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in mid-year of 1998.

Both countries had vast difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
in March 1993, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
in March 1999 both countries had same rated. Which was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
5. 0%.
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IELTS academic Graph reveals the information about 6 years unemployment rate of between US and Japan

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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