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Gold sales in Dubai in 2002

Gold sales in Dubai in 2002 E3Gl3
The supplied line graph illustrates data about the sales of gold in Dybai during a whole year (2002)Overall, the figure of Gold sales reached a peak in March, while it saw the lowest amount in both July and September. However, the figure was relatively similar by ending. In the beginning month (January), the amount of gold sales stood at 200 millions of Dirhams and then there was a slight increase to roughly 225 million of Dirhams. Afterwards, it rose dramatically and reached a peak at 350 millions if Dirhams in March. However the figure saw a sudden decrease to 250 millions of Dirhams in April and there was a downward trend between May and July. The figure dropped to just above 100 millions of Dirhams. In the next four month (from July to October), there was a fluctuation and an increase to approximately 200 millions of Dirhams. The number remained constantly in November and by the ending month month (December) there was a partial growth to nearly 200 million dirhams
The supplied line graph illustrates data about the sales of gold in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dybai
during a whole year (2002)
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of Gold sales reached a peak in March, while it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the lowest amount in both July and September.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
was
relatively
similar by ending. In the beginning
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month
(January), the amount of gold sales stood at 200
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millions
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
and then there was a slight increase to roughly 225
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
. Afterwards, it rose
dramatically
and reached a peak at 350
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
if
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
in March.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a sudden decrease to 250
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
in April and there was a downward trend between May and July. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
dropped to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
. In the
next
four
Possible agreement error. The noun 'month' seems to be countable, so consider using: "months".
month
(from July to October), there was a fluctuation and an increase to approximately 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
. The number remained
constantly
in November and by the ending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
(December) there was a partial growth to
nearly
200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
dirhams
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IELTS academic Gold sales in Dubai in 2002

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
169 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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