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global sales in different kinds of digital games betweem 2000 and 2006

global sales in different kinds of digital games betweem 2000 and 2006 VBJwA
The chart provides information about how much global sales in the different types of digital games for decade between 2000 and 2006. Overall, the highest sales of digital games are handheld games and there was a moderate increase for 6 years. The figures are given in billions. There were noticeable uptrends in the three types of digital games namely handheld games, mobile phone game and online games, while Console games had a slight decrease in sales over a six-year period. None of them had sales as much as handheld games for almost a decade. handheld games, mobile phone game and online games had a constant increase from just 1 to approximately 9 from 2000 to 2006. Similarly, handheld game saw a moderate rise in global at just below 12 to around 18 over a period of six years. In way of contrast, there was a negligible decline in sales of console games at just below 6 for a decade. In addition, in 2000 Sales in mobile phone games and online games were not found and they had started increasing significantly from just 1 to above 6 between 2001 and 2006.
The chart provides information about how much global
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sales
in the
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different
types of digital
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games
for decade between 2000 and 2006.
Overall
, the highest
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sales
of digital
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games
are handheld
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games
and there was a moderate increase for 6 years. The figures are
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given
in billions.

There were noticeable
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uptrends
in the three types of digital
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games
namely
handheld
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games
, mobile phone game and online
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games
, while Console
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games
had a slight decrease in
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sales
over a six-year period. None of them had
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sales
as much as handheld
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games
for almost a decade.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
handheld
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games
, mobile phone game and online
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games
had a constant increase from
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just
1 to approximately 9 from 2000 to 2006.
Similarly
, handheld game
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saw
a moderate rise in global at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 12 to around 18 over a period of six years. In way of contrast, there was a negligible decline in
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sales
of console
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games
at
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just
below 6 for a decade.
In addition
, in 2000
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Sales
in mobile phone
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games
and online
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games
were not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
found and
they had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
increasing
significantly
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
1 to above 6 between 2001 and 2006.
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IELTS academic global sales in different kinds of digital games betweem 2000 and 2006

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
190 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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