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Given pie chart shows the nutrients consumed by usa people

The given pie chart shows the percentage of various nutrients consumed by an average American in each meals and snacks. The nutrients focused here are sodium, saturated fat and added sugar. The pie chart is divided by meals, which are breakfast, lunch and dinner, and snacks. We have three pie charts here, for each nutrient. Sodium and Saturated fats are mostly consumed in dinner, whereas the added sugar are consumed in higher quantity in snacks. People get the added sugar nutrient majorly from snacks, if some people wants to reduce their added sugar intake they can start by avoiding some snacks. The amount of all nutrients consumed in breakfast are below 20%, which clearly shows that they are getting less energy in breakfast, which is the most important meal. However, during dinner all kinds of nutrients are taken in high quantity which gives them lots of energy they need for normal functioning of the body.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentage of various
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nutrients
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consumed
by an average American in each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "meal"?
meals
and snacks. The
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nutrients
focused here are sodium, saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
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added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
pie chart
is divided
by meals, which are breakfast, lunch and dinner, and snacks.

We have three pie charts here, for each
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nutrient
. Sodium and Saturated fats are
mostly
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consumed
in dinner, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
are
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consumed
in higher quantity in snacks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
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added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
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nutrient
majorly
from snacks, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to
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reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake they can
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start
by avoiding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
snacks.

The amount of all
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nutrients
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consumed
in breakfast are below 20%, which
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they are getting less energy in breakfast, which is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
meal.
However
, during dinner all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrients
are taken
in high quantity which gives them lots of energy they need for normal functioning of the body.
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IELTS academic Given pie chart shows the nutrients consumed by usa people

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
155 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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