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The column graph gives information about males and females who are overweight in Australia in year 1980 and 2010

The given column graph illustrates the proportion of overweight males and females in Australia from 1980 to 2010. Overall, it can be seen that obesity in females went up slightly, whereas in the case of males slight fluctuations were noted. Also, the Percentage of overweight man was more as compared to women in Australia. In 1980, Around 53% of men were overweight as compared to women, which constituted 40%. In the following decade, a slight increase in obese men, as well as women, are noted. ( approximately 62% and around 51% respectively). In 2000, the Majority of the men suffered from obesity ( nearly 81%) and it was an all-time high in the whole of Australia in the given period. In that same decade, women who faced obesity were around 60% and 10% and 20% increased was noted compared to the previous two decades ( in 1980 and 1990 respectively). However, it continued to remain the same. On contrary, a 10 % decrease was noted in the case of men as compared to 2000.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
column graph illustrates the proportion of overweight males and females in Australia from 1980 to 2010.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that obesity in females went up
slightly
, whereas in the case of males slight fluctuations were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noted
.
Also
, the Percentage of overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
was more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
women
in Australia.

In 1980, Around 53% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were overweight as compared to women, which constituted 40%. In the following decade, a slight increase in obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
as well
as women, are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noted
.
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
approximately 62% and around 51%
respectively
).

In 2000, the Majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
suffered from obesity
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
nearly
81%) and it was an all-time high in the whole of Australia in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period. In that same decade, women who faced obesity were around 60% and 10% and 20% increased was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noted
compared to the previous two decades
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
in 1980 and 1990
respectively
).
However
, it
Consider using "remained".
continued to remain
the same. On contrary, a 10 % decrease was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noted
in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
as compared to 2000.
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IELTS academic The column graph gives information about males and females who are overweight in Australia in year 1980 and 2010

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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