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given bar chart show information about the percentage of female going to higher education in differents countries in year 1970 and 2005

given bar chart show information about the percentage of female going to higher education in differents countries in year 1970 and 2005 R0B2p
The given bar charts demonstrate the information about the proportion of females going into higher education in five different countries (UK, USA, Canada, Japan, Germany) in two the separate years 1970 and 2005. Overall, over 35 years period, the percentage of females who made the decision to go into higher education in all the countries was increased except in Canada, it was remained unchanged. Firstly, it can be seen that in 1970, the figure for women who decided to go into higher education in the UK, USA and Japan was about 35%, 40% and 20% respectively. But in 2005, it was increased approximately two times higher than that of 1970 (at 60%, just under 60% and 40% respectively). Moreover, this percentage in the UK in 2005 was the highest point of the bar charts (at 60%). During 35 years, the proportion of females in Canada who wanted to study higher was maintained at the same level (at 60%) and is also the highest percentage compared to other countries. In Germany, it was about 50% of females decided to go into higher education in 1970 and rose slowly to about 55% in 2005.
The
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given
bar charts demonstrate the information about the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
going into higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in five
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different
countries (UK, USA, Canada, Japan, Germany) in two the separate years 1970 and 2005.

Overall
, over 35 years period, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
who made the decision to go into higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in all the countries
was increased
except in Canada, it
was remained
unchanged.

Firstly
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in 1970, the figure for women who decided to go into higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the UK, USA and Japan was about 35%, 40% and 20%
respectively
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in 2005, it
was increased
approximately two times higher than that of 1970 (at 60%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 60% and 40%
respectively
).
Moreover
, this percentage in the UK in 2005 was the highest point of the bar charts (at 60%).

During 35 years, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in Canada who wanted to study higher
was maintained
at the same level (at 60%) and is
also
the highest percentage compared to other countries. In Germany, it was about 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
decided to go into higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in 1970 and rose
slowly
to about 55% in 2005.
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IELTS academic given bar chart show information about the percentage of female going to higher education in differents countries in year 1970 and 2005

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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