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west park school development

west park school development Wg2Yb
The diagram represents various development stages that took place at west park secondary school in three different years: 1950, 1980, 2010. The school was constructed in 1980 near the main road and adjacent to a residential area. A playground was constructed beside the school building, whereas there was farmland built near the housing area. By 1980, the houses had been demolished to be replaced by a car park and science block. Also, the farmland had been converted into a sports field, however, the playground remained the same. In 2010, the main school building and science block were unaltered, that said car park was elongated to cover the whole region of the sports field, and hence playground space was divided into two parts, sports field, and playground. During all these years, west park secondary institute's total area increased, by initially extending it in 1950 and afterward shrinking it in 2010.
The diagram represents various development stages that took place at west
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years: 1950, 1980, 2010.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was constructed
in 1980 near the main road and adjacent to a residential area. A playground
was constructed
beside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
building, whereas there was farmland built near the housing area.

By 1980, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
had
been demolished
to
be replaced
by a car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
and science block.
Also
, the farmland had
been converted
into a sports field,
however
, the playground remained the same.

In 2010, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
building and science block
were unaltered
, that said car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
was elongated
to cover the whole region of the sports field, and
hence
playground space
was divided
into two parts, sports field, and playground.

During all these years, west
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
secondary institute's total area increased, by
initially
extending it in 1950 and afterward shrinking it in 2010.

IELTS academic west park school development

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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