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Frequency of eating at fast food restaurants among people in the USA(2003-2013)

The chart reveals the periodicity of people consuming fast food at restaurants within the USA. Evidently percentage of people eating at restaurants in daily was just under 5% in 2003 which gradually declined to 3% and remained stable until 2013. By contrast, amount of people who never went to restaurants were strictly at 5% and later fell to 4% in 2006 and 2013. As illustrated in the chat people consuming fast food several times a week and a few times a year both showed fluctuations where 20% of people consumed it in 2006 and 15% of people in both 2006 and 2013 respectively. Similarly people having 8 once a week tops the list as they consumed 33% of 8 in 2006 which just decreased Tu 27% in 2013. However, those who consumed it once or twice a month were accounted for 30% in 2003 and it gradually increased to 34% in 2013. Overall, people consumed it once a week or twice a month heavily, while they consume it in less amount everyday. Besides, several times a week or year showed fluctuations.
The chart reveals the periodicity of
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people
consuming
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fast
food at restaurants within the USA.
Evidently
percentage of
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people
eating at restaurants in daily was
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just
under 5% in 2003 which
gradually
declined to 3% and remained stable until 2013. By contrast, amount of
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people
who never went to restaurants were
strictly
at 5% and later fell to 4% in 2006 and 2013. As illustrated in the chat
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people
consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food several times a
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week
and a few times a year both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
fluctuations where 20% of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
it in 2006 and 15% of
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people
in both 2006 and 2013
respectively
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
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people
having 8 once a
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week
tops the list as they
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consumed
33% of 8 in 2006 which
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just
decreased Tu 27% in 2013.
However
, those who
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consumed
it once or twice a month
were accounted
for 30% in
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
2003 and
it
gradually
increased to 34% in 2013.
Overall
,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
it once a
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week
or twice a month
heavily
, while they consume it in less amount
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
.
Besides
, several times a
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week
or year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
fluctuations.
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IELTS academic Frequency of eating at fast food restaurants among people in the USA(2003-2013)

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
181 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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