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The proportion of time which was spend by adults on working in a particular nation is depicted by pie charts in given time period.

The proportion of time which was spend by adults on working in a particular nation is depicted by pie charts in given time period. At a fleeting glance, the percentage of time was 33% in 1958, which increased to 42% in 2008. In 1958, the time spend on sleeping was highest in comparison with time tie up in 2008, which was lowest. The adults was 8 % of time invest on relaxing at home in 1958, whereas 13% of time was spent by adults on same activity in next year.
The proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which was
Consider using either the past participle “spent” or the present participle “spending” here.
spend
by adults on working in a particular nation
is depicted
by pie charts in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period.

At a fleeting glance, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
was 33% in 1958, which increased to 42% in 2008. In 1958, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spend on sleeping was highest
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
tie up in 2008, which was lowest. The adults
You should probably use: “were”.
was
8 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
invest on relaxing at home in 1958, whereas 13% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
was spent
by adults on same activity in
next
year.
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IELTS academic The proportion of time which was spend by adults on working in a particular nation is depicted by pie charts in given time period.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
90 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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