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The given below charts the percentage of time in a particular country adults time spend on working from 1958 to 2008.

The proportion of time which was spent by adults on working in a particular nation is depicted by pie charts in given time period. At a fleeting glance, the percentage of time was 33% in 1958, which increased to 42% in 2008. In 1958, the time spend on sleeping was highest in comparison with time tie up in 2008, which was lowest. The adults were 8 % of time invest on relaxing at home in 1958, whereas 13% of time was spent by adults on same activity in next year. Moving further, the adults were time rolled up on going out with families and friends in first year and second year was 19% and 6%, respectively. The young generations time spend on travel to work gradually increased from 2% in 1958 to 8% in 2008. The time invest on sports and other interests by adults in 1958 and 2008 was akin to each other.
The proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which
was spent
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
on working in a particular nation
is depicted
by pie charts in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
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time
period.

At a fleeting glance, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
was 33% in 1958, which increased to 42% in 2008. In 1958, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spend on sleeping was highest
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
tie up in 2008, which was lowest. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
were 8 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
invest on relaxing at home in 1958, whereas 13% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
was spent
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
on same activity in
next
year.

Moving
further
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
rolled up on going out with families and friends in
first
year and second year was 19% and 6%,
respectively
. The young generations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spend on travel to work
gradually
increased from 2% in 1958 to 8% in 2008. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: “invests”.
invest
on sports and other interests by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in 1958 and 2008 was akin to each other.
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IELTS academic The given below charts the percentage of time in a particular country adults time spend on working from 1958 to 2008.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
154 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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