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The bar chart compares the numbers of males and females who took four different evening classes

The bar chart compares the numbers of males and females who took four different evening classes 1aXOW
The bar chart compares the numbers of males and females who took four different evening classes in 2009, and the pie chart shows the age profile of these attendees. It is clear that significantly more women than men attended evening classes at the education centre. We can also see that evening courses were much more popular among older adults. According to the bar chart, drama, painting and language courses all attracted more women than men to the education centre in 2009. Language classes had the highest number of participants overall, with 40 female and 20 male students, while painting was a popular choice among both genders, attracting 30 female and 25 male attendees. The only course with a higher number of males was sculpture, but this course was taken by a mere 15 people in total. Looking at the age profile pie chart, we can see that the majority of people attending evening lessons were over 40 years of age. To be precise, 42% of them were aged 50 or more, and 26% were aged between 40 and 49. Younger adults were in the minority, with only 11% of students aged 20 to 29, and only 5% aged under 20.
The bar
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chart
compares the numbers of males and females who took four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
evening classes

in 2009, and the pie
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chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the age profile of these attendees.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
significantly
more women than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
attended evening classes at the education

Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. We can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that evening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
were much more popular among older adults.

According to the bar
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chart
, drama, painting and language
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courses
all attracted more women than

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to the education
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
in 2009. Language classes had the highest number of participants

overall
, with 40 female and 20 male students, while painting was a popular choice among both

genders, attracting 30 female and 25 male attendees. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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course
with a higher number of

males was sculpture,
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but
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
was taken
by a mere 15
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in total.

Looking at the age profile pie
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chart
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
attending evening

lessons were over 40 years of age. To be precise, 42% of them
were aged
50 or more, and 26%

were aged
between 40 and 49. Younger adults were in the minority, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
11% of students

aged 20 to 29, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% aged under 20.
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IELTS academic The bar chart compares the numbers of males and females who took four different evening classes

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
200 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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