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graduates and postgraduates did after leaving college in 2008

graduates and postgraduates did after leaving college in 2008 m85Lr
The two bar charts shows what UK graduates and postgraduates did after leaving college in 2008. The full-time job was excluded. Even after their graduates enormous amount of students decided to study further more after 2008 which requires same for postgraduates. Overall, there are almost more than 65. 000 graduates in total but on the other hand number of postgraduates couldn’t even reach 7, 000. Voluntary work was unpopular for graduates. Although, number of graduates were 8 times more than postgraduates who volunteering. The rest of the graduates were divided to do part-time work or unemployment. They almost hade the same amount but post graduates did part-time work more than choosing to do nothing. Although, there were 16, 235 unemployed graduates more than 1, 625 unemployed postgraduates. In conclusion, many students decided to do further study but those who did voluntary work were very few. Part-time work was not as popular as further studying and unemployment was no more than part-time work but more than voluntary work
The two bar charts
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shows
what UK
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graduates
and
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postgraduates
did after leaving college in 2008. The full-time job
was excluded
.

Even after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
enormous amount of students decided to study
further
more after 2008 which requires same for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduates
.
Overall
, there are almost more than 65. 000
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graduates
in total
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but
on the other hand
number of
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postgraduates
couldn’t even reach 7, 000.

Voluntary
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work
was unpopular for
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graduates
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, number of
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graduates
were 8 times more than
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postgraduates
who volunteering. The rest of the
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graduates
were divided
to do part-time
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work
or unemployment. They almost
Possible spelling mistake found.
hade
the same amount
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but
post
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graduates
did part-time
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work
more than choosing to do nothing. Although, there were 16, 235 unemployed
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graduates
more than 1, 625 unemployed postgraduates.

In conclusion
,
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many
students decided to do
further
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those who did voluntary
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work
were
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very
few. Part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
was not as popular as
further
studying and unemployment was no more than part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more than voluntary
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
work
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IELTS academic graduates and postgraduates did after leaving college in 2008

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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