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Fewer students study science at school and university, favouring more computer based subjects instead. Is this positive or negative development

Fewer students study science at school and university, favouring more computer based subjects instead. Is this positive or negative development 0aKx5
Globally, in schools and universities, fewer students are studying science, favouring more computer based subjects instead. I feel strogly that it is a positive development because scope of technology is much higher than any other filed of education. Generally, in these days students have intrest to become a software developer and a programmer. Morover, in job market knowledge of computer is more valuable than those who do not know anything about computers. Furthermore, in every kind of job use of computer is very important because computers have the ability to store large amount of data. In the whole world there are hundred of projects are based on computer technology. To illustrate my point I whould like to quote an example of NADRA and Banking sectors, they do not do any work without computers. Therefore, use of computers and study about computers is very useful and beneficial for student's future. However, computer technology makes people very smart like online shopping, people do not have any need to go outside for purchasing goods. Moreover, we live in the world of technology, people can talk with each other as well as can get entertain with the help of social media like Wattsapp and Facebook and many more social applications. In conclusion, I tend to believe that focusing on computer based courses in schools has a positive impact on students and the world, and people are studying these courses because technology is part of daily life. Governments should have to promote the importance of technology, because technology is the future of the world.
Globally, in schools and universities, fewer students are studying science,
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
more computer based subjects
instead
. I feel
Possible spelling mistake found.
strogly
that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
scope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is much higher than any other filed of education.

Generally
, in these days students have
Possible spelling mistake found.
intrest
to become a software developer and a programmer.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morover
, in job market knowledge of computer is more valuable than those who do not know anything about computers.
Furthermore
, in every kind of job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
computers have the ability to store large amount of data. In the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
there are
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
of projects
are based
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. To illustrate my point I
Possible spelling mistake found.
whould
like to quote an example of
Possible spelling mistake found.
NADRA
and Banking sectors, they do not do any work without computers.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers and study about computers is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful and beneficial for student's future.

However
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smart like online shopping,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any need to go outside for purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Moreover
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can talk with each other
as well
as can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertain with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of social media like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wattsapp
and Facebook and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more social applications.

In conclusion
, I tend to believe that focusing on computer based courses in schools has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on students and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are studying these courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is part of daily life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
promote the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
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IELTS academic Fewer students study science at school and university, favouring more computer based subjects instead. Is this positive or negative development

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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