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favourite leisure activities

favourite leisure activities A3O3e
The bar chart provides information about five various leisure activities chosen by boys and girls in Canada, in terms of sports, computer games, music and shopping. It is clear that, the percentage of boys interested in these activities are higher than the figure for girls, exception of the statistic for music. The proportion of males liking shopping is the highest, at around 35%, compare to that of the second highest in sports (about 25%). By contrast, the percentage of boys interested in music is at roughly 20%, when the figure for computer games is lower, at approximately 16%. Notably, the proportion of females liking shopping in Canada is lowest, reaching above 5%, which is by half the percentage of females interested in sports. At the same time, the percentage of girls choosing music, at 20%, while the proportion of females interested in computer games witness a dramatic lower, at just under 14%.
The bar chart provides information about five various leisure activities chosen by boys and girls in Canada, in terms of sports, computer games, music and shopping. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in these activities are higher than the figure for girls,
The usual collocation for "exception" in this context is "to" not "of". Did you mean "exception to"?
exception of
the statistic for music.

The proportion of males liking shopping is the highest, at around 35%, compare to that of the second highest in sports (about 25%). By contrast, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in music is at roughly 20%, when the figure for computer games is lower, at approximately 16%.

Notably
, the proportion of females liking shopping in Canada is lowest, reaching above 5%, which is by half the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in sports. At the same time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of girls choosing music, at 20%, while the proportion of females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interested
in computer games witness a dramatic lower, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 14%.
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IELTS academic favourite leisure activities

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
152 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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