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global phone sales in india

global phone sales in india ENKdB
The above chart illustrates the sales of branded phones globally from the year 2009 to 2013 At an highest proportion of sales were reported by samsung in 2013, at an average of 450 compared to nokia dropping at second place with 250, However the remaning brands of mobile phone such as apple, LG and ZTE positoned below 150 sales in the year 2013. Where as nokia was the only branded phone to reach high standards at 400 to 450 sales in 2009, samsung made their to second postion less to 230, which was their first sales after production. on the other hand apple and other branded phones were slightly decreased their sales in 2009. In the year 2011 nokia reamined thier position with first place and a slight downfall of sales were recorded compared to 2009, Samsung made their efforts and increase of sales in 2011 to 320, It was often seen that apple and LG sales were relentively same less than 100 sales.
The above chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of branded
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phones
globally from the year 2009 to 2013

At
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an
highest proportion of
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sales
were reported
by
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samsung
in 2013, at an average of 450 compared to
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nokia
dropping at second place with 250,
However
the
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remaning
brands of mobile
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phone
such as apple, LG and
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ZTE
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positoned
below 150
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sales
in the year 2013.
Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
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nokia
was the
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only
branded
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phone
to reach high standards at 400 to 450
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sales
in 2009,
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samsung
made their to second
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postion
less to 230, which was their
first
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sales
after production.

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on
the other hand apple and other branded
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phones
were
slightly
decreased their
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sales
in 2009. In the year 2011
Possible spelling mistake found.
nokia
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reamined
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thier
position with
first
place and a slight downfall of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were recorded
compared to 2009, Samsung made their efforts and increase of
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sales
in 2011 to 320, It was
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often
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seen
that apple and LG
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sales
were
Possible spelling mistake found.
relentively
same less than 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
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IELTS academic global phone sales in india

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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