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Fast food consumption in the USA between 2003 and 2013

Fast food consumption in the USA between 2003 and 2013 Yym1B
The bar chart illustrates the rate at which eatries in the USA are being patronized by the masses within a period of 10 years. Overall, it can be seen that the highest percentage of the Americans were those who went to the restaurant once a week and once a month respectively while the least number ate fast food everyday. To begin with, those that consumed fast food once a week represents the highest proportion in 2013 with a little more than 30% and 33% in 2006 after which there was a gradual decrease for a period of 8 years to 26%. Similarly, those that consumed fast food once or twice a year made up 30% of the populace in 2003. 2013 experienced an increase to 34% of the Americans eating junk food. 13% of the total proportion is made up of those who rarely eat in the fast food restaurant in 2003, there was a gradual increase in 2006 and this remained unchanged in 2013. Those who consumed fast food everyday made up the Lowest Percentage of below 5% throughout the period of 10 years.
The bar chart illustrates the rate at which
Possible spelling mistake found.
eatries
in the USA are
being patronized
by the masses within a period of 10 years.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the highest percentage of the Americans were those who went to the restaurant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
a week and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
a month
respectively
while the least number ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, those that consumed
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
a week represents the highest proportion in 2013 with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more than 30% and 33% in 2006 after which there was a gradual decrease for a period of 8 years to 26%.
Similarly
, those that consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
or twice a
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year
made up 30% of the populace in 2003. 2013 experienced an increase to 34% of the Americans eating junk
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food. 13%
of the total proportion
is made
up of those who rarely eat in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurant in 2003, there was a gradual increase in 2006 and this remained unchanged in 2013. Those who consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
made up the Lowest Percentage of below 5% throughout the period of 10 years.

IELTS academic Fast food consumption in the USA between 2003 and 2013

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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