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the give bar chart information about number of attendance for grandville stadium for 13 years

the give bar chart information about number of attendance for grandville stadium for 13 years dlmgo
The bar chart illustrates the information about attendance figures for Grandville stadium for 13 years. Firstly, in the graph, the theater ratio was nearby 10000. In 2020 the theater was close to 15000. However, in 2030 attendance numbers of the theater will be around 50000. In addition, sporting events attendance numbers were approximately 150000 in 2017, but the ratio slightly increased in 2020. Secondly, in 2030 attendance numbers ratio will be increasing in 2030 will be amounting to a nearby 160000. Furthermore, in concerts ratio was around about 30000 in 2017, but in 2020 ratio was just over than 2017. Which was more or less 40000. At the end of the graph, in 2030 attendance number in live events will be 130000. Overall, in this graph, it was s that the attendance numbers ratio will be high in 2030 in all events and high ratio assumption in sporting events in 2030. Nevertheless, percentages were recorded the same in 2017 in all three events.
The bar chart illustrates the information about
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attendance
figures for
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Grandville
stadium for 13 years.

Firstly
, in the graph, the theater
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ratio
was nearby 10000. In 2020 the theater was close to 15000.
However
, in 2030
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attendance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of the theater will be around 50000.
In addition
, sporting
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events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
were approximately 150000 in 2017,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
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ratio
slightly
increased in 2020.

Secondly
, in 2030
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attendance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
will be increasing in 2030 will be amounting to a nearby 160000.
Furthermore
, in concerts
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ratio
was around about 30000 in 2017,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2020
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ratio
was
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just
Use "(over)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
over
than 2017. Which was more or less 40000. At the
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end
of the graph,

in 2030
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attendance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
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events
will be 130000.

Overall
, in this graph, it was s that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
will be high in 2030 in all
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events
and high
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ratio
assumption in sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in 2030.
Nevertheless
, percentages
were recorded
the same in 2017 in all three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
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IELTS academic the give bar chart information about number of attendance for grandville stadium for 13 years

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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