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extinction on the plants and animals-human impact and natural events task1

extinction on the plants and animals-human impact and natural events task1 BaD7j
The graph is about the risk of plant and animal extinctions and given units are measured in extinctions per million species per decade. The chart illustrates percentage of threats to plant life both human impact and natural events. Regarding the graph, it shows a dramatic increase throughout the data between 2000 and 2060 (from 5, 000 to 50, 000 respectively). This way, the highest extinction will occur in 2060. After that time, according to foreseen data, there will be a falling over the given 40 year period. At the end of the period, it will drop at around 28, 000. In terms of the table, the huge effects are seen on agriculture (18. 7%), harvesting (14. 4%) and development (10. 4%) by human impacts. Besides, there are also lots of human roles on it more than half of pie such as logging (4. 9%), livestock (7. 7%), disturbance (5. 3%), invasive species (4. 9%), plantations (4. 7%) and other human impact (5. 4%). On the other hand, natural events have got a much smaller effect on plant’s life. Reports show that natural disasters are a threat at 7% while other natural events are at 11. 7%. Overall, it is so obvious that human’s role on the extinctions is enormously bigger than natural events (Total data: 81. 3% human impact and 18. 7% natural events). Unfortunately, human beings responsible from these threats.
The graph is about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of plant and animal
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extinctions
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
units
are measured
in
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extinctions
per million species per decade. The chart illustrates percentage of threats to plant life both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Regarding the graph, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a dramatic increase throughout the data between 2000 and 2060 (from 5, 000 to 50, 000
respectively
). This way, the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
will occur in 2060. After that time, according to foreseen data, there will be a falling over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
40 year
period. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, it will drop at around 28, 000.

In terms of the table, the huge effects are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on agriculture (18. 7%), harvesting (14. 4%) and development (10. 4%) by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
.
Besides
, there are
also
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
roles on it more than half of pie such as logging (4. 9%), livestock (7. 7%), disturbance (5. 3%), invasive species (4. 9%), plantations (4. 7%) and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
(5. 4%).
On the other hand
,
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natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a much smaller effect on plant’s life. Reports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
disasters are a threat at 7% while other
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natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are at 11. 7%.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
role on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinctions
is
enormously
bigger than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
(Total data: 81. 3%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
and 18. 7%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events)
. Unfortunately,
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human
beings responsible from these threats.
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IELTS academic extinction on the plants and animals-human impact and natural events task1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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