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Usage of British consumer durables

Usage of British consumer durables XEJbg
The above table represents the percentage of eight different consumer appliances which were used by British families between 1972 to 1983. According to the table, from 1972 to 1983 the top favourite appliances were television, vacuum cleaner, refrigerator, and washing machine. Beginning in 1972 the percentages were 93, 87, 73 and 66. However, percentages rose to 98, 95, 94 and 80 respectively by the year 1983. Furthermore, the usage of telephone was increased from 42% to 77%, followed by central heating from 37% to 64%, which was an increase of almost double. On the other hand, by 1983, the least possessed consumer appliances were the dishwasher, and the video machine with 5% to 18% respectively. Mainly due to the fact that video was still not invented during the tenure from 1972 to 1982 and the washing machine only appeared on the market in 1978. Overall, the usage of those mentioned consumer goods in the British families went up firmly during the given 11 year period.
The above table represents the percentage of eight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
consumer appliances which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by British families
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1972 and 1983".
between 1972 to 1983
.

According to the table, from 1972 to 1983 the top
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
appliances were television, vacuum cleaner, refrigerator, and washing machine. Beginning in 1972 the percentages were 93, 87, 73 and 66.
However
, percentages rose to 98, 95, 94 and 80
respectively
by the year 1983.
Furthermore
, the usage of telephone
was increased
from 42% to 77%, followed by central heating from 37% to 64%, which was an increase of almost double.
On the other hand
, by 1983, the least possessed consumer appliances were the dishwasher, and the video machine with 5% to 18%
respectively
.
Mainly
due to the fact that video was
still
not invented during the tenure from 1972 to 1982 and the washing machine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
appeared on the market in 1978.

Overall
, the usage of those mentioned consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in the British families went up
firmly
during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
11 year
period.
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IELTS academic Usage of British consumer durables

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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