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The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of people employed in manufacturing, selling and serving for metropolis A and metropolis B in 1960 and 2010.

The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of people employed in manufacturing, selling and serving for metropolis A and metropolis B in 1960 and 2010. 2lEyx
The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of people employed in manufacturing, selling and serving for metropolis A and metropolis B in 1960 and 2010. Overall, changes in the proportion of sectors were in both countries, including an increase in the percentage of manufacturing and a decrease in selling by 2010. In 1960, the serving group constituted less than a third of town A total population, while 20 percent of town B citizens were included in this category. The serving employer made up 30% of town A total inhabitant, in contrast to a fifth of the the city B residents. Workers of selling represented the largest in both nations, with 41% and 70% respectively. In 2010, the number of people working in selling declined to 20% in town A, compared to in town B this number fell of less than fifth. While serving declined to 16%, in town B this rate saw a slight decrease by 2%. As for manufacturing, its amount dramatically grew from 29% to 60% in town A; however, In town B it also climbed to a quarter.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
employed in manufacturing,
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selling
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serving
for metropolis A and metropolis B in 1960 and 2010.

Overall
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the proportion of sectors were in both countries, including an increase in the percentage of manufacturing and a decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
by 2010.

In 1960, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serving
group constituted less than a third of
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town
A total population, while 20 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B citizens
were included
in this category. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serving
employer made up 30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A total inhabitant,
in contrast
to a fifth of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
city B residents. Workers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
represented the largest in both nations, with 41% and 70%
respectively
.

In 2010, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
declined to 20% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A, compared to in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B this number fell of less than fifth. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serving
declined to 16%, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B this rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a slight decrease by 2%. As for manufacturing, its amount
dramatically
grew from 29% to 60% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A;
however
, In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B it
also
climbed to a quarter.
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IELTS academic The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of people employed in manufacturing, selling and serving for metropolis A and metropolis B in 1960 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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