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Exporting earning in a country

Exporting earning in a country r8AGJ
This bar chart demonstrates one country's revenue in two years. Primarily petroleum products were the most important source of money for this country and bring about sixty to sixty-five billion annually. Considerably earning from all products except for gems and jewelry had increased in 2016. Moreover, engineered goods value was second to petroleum products in both years. Also, even though textiles had the least profit in 2015, its improvement in 2016 as it is shown in the table, was enormous, and its value got equal to agricultural products. Generally, the overall fortune arrived from export for this single country was about two hundred and fifteen billion in 2015 and around two hundred and forty billion in 2016 which shows an adding trend. To wrap up, this particular country tended to gain more money through exporting specific products such as petroleum products, engineered goods, and textiles.
This bar chart demonstrates one country's revenue in two years.
Primarily
petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
were the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
source of money for this country and bring about sixty to sixty-five billion
annually
.
Considerably
earning from all
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products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
gems and jewelry had increased in 2016.
Moreover
, engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
value was second to petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in both years.
Also
,
even though
textiles had the least profit in 2015, its improvement in 2016 as it
is shown
in the table, was enormous, and its value
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
equal to agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Generally
, the
overall
fortune arrived from export for this single country was about two hundred and fifteen billion in 2015 and around two hundred and forty billion in 2016 which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
an adding trend.

To wrap up, this particular country tended to gain more money through exporting specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
such as petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, and textiles.
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IELTS academic Exporting earning in a country

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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