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Export Earnings of five categories in the year 2015_2016

Export Earnings of five categories in the year 2015_2016 Prwlp
The bar chart illustrates the revenue of specific country's exports in various categories during the year 2015_2016. The table outlines the percentage changes of each products. Obviously, the petroleum product made a massive amount of billon dollars in overall items, contrast the textiles earned the smallest in both years. To elaborate, firstly there was approximately 220 billion dollars in total in the year of 2015, well the petroleum products took the dominance place also in 2016, it soared up to the 3%. And the second most earning product, the engineered goods had the profuse amounts of dollars which was more or less 50 billions, it reached to over 60 billions dollars which was 8. 5% improvement rather than the previous year. Difference from the above two, the gems and jewellery could earn more revenue in 2015, it declined to 5. 18%in the next year. In both 2015 and 2016, the agricultural products still stagnant making the 30 billion dollars equally. Contrary to the agricultural, although the textiles earned the lowest, only about 27 billion dollars, there was a dramatic change, it had a sharp increase which was over 30 billion dollars in percentage, 15. 24% in 2016. To conclude, in overall categories, the the four products earned the growth amount of billion dollars in both years, the only one dropped down.
The bar chart illustrates the revenue of specific country's exports in various categories during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2015_2016. The table outlines the percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "product"?
products
.
Obviously
, the petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
made a massive amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
billon
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dollars
in
overall
items, contrast the textiles earned the smallest in both years. To elaborate,
firstly
there was approximately 220
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in total in
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 2015, well the petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
took the dominance place
also
in 2016, it soared up to the 3%. And the second most earning
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product
, the engineered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
had the profuse amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
which was more or less 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
, it reached to over 60
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billions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
which was 8. 5% improvement
rather
than the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Difference from the above two, the gems and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
could earn more revenue in 2015, it declined to 5. 18%in the
next
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year
. In both 2015 and 2016, the agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
still
stagnant making the 30
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
equally
. Contrary to the agricultural, although the textiles earned the lowest,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 27
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
, there was a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, it had a sharp increase which was over 30
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in percentage, 15. 24% in 2016.
To conclude
, in
overall
categories,
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
four
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products
earned the growth amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in both years, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropped".
dropped down
.
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IELTS academic Export Earnings of five categories in the year 2015_2016

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
221 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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