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EVERYONE SHOULD STAY AT SCHOOL UNTIL 18. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

EVERYONE SHOULD STAY AT SCHOOL UNTIL 18. 5alKm
There have been many controversial arguments surrounding students should compulsorily complete their education program until they become adults. While there are some advocates of people do not have to study until 18, in my opinion, I strongly believe that it is better to stay in the academic environment because of many reasons that I will discuss in the essay. To begin with, by studying at high school, students gain a wealth of knowledge and skills that they can use and apply to higher-level qualifications. For example, students learn MOS- Microsoft Office Specialist in Information Technology classes, and when they graduate they can get the certification of basic technology of Microsoft. Moreover, in Literature lessons, the teachers teach pupils about the people, countries where they are living, this may lead to many students becoming good citizens in society. Besides, there is a lot of knowledge of how to write paragraphs or essays. It is crucial for the future when students want to get a job and have to write a Curriculum Vitae. Additionally, the people who are under 18, are too young and do not have a lot of daily experiences. At this age, they need to educate carefully because of the high risk of becoming bad people in the future. For instance, if they do not have education in a good way, they will catch lots of social evil, such as alcoholism, violence and so on. Despite some of the given counterarguments, I personally still strongly believe that students should stay at school until they become adults.
There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
controversial arguments surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
compulsorily
complete their education program until they become adults. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advocates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study until 18, in my opinion, I
strongly
believe that it is better to stay in the academic environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons that I will discuss in the essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by studying at high school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain a wealth of knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and apply to higher-level qualifications.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn MOS- Microsoft Office Specialist in Information Technology classes, and when they graduate they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the certification of basic technology of Microsoft.
Moreover
, in Literature lessons, the teachers teach pupils about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, countries where they are living, this may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizens in society.
Besides
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge of how to write paragraphs or essays. It is crucial for the future when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
write a Curriculum Vitae.

Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are under 18, are too young and do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
daily experiences. At this age, they need to educate
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future.
For instance
, if they do not have education in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way, they will catch lots of social evil, such as alcoholism, violence and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Despite
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
counterarguments, I
personally
still
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should stay at school until they become adults.

IELTS academic EVERYONE SHOULD STAY AT SCHOOL UNTIL 18.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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