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Essay about the number of enquiries received - tourist information

Essay about the number of enquiries received - tourist information 1AyeN
The line graph illustrates the amount of requests sent by hand, mail and phone to the Tourist Information Office in particular city from January to June in the year 2011 It is clear that the Office received enquiries in person and by cell phone rose significantly over the period of 6 months in 2011, while the number of enquiries sent by letter experienced a considerable drop. By January, telephone was by far the most popular way, with about 900, as oppose to just nearly 800 through mail or letter. The figure for enquiries received directly from the tourists was much less, just over 400. Between January to March, the number of requests which tourists gave by hand and mobile phone climbed to 1000 and 800 respectively, however, the number of that from email remain relatively stable. Three months later, from Match to June, there was a rapid increase enquiries sent in person and reached a peak of around 1900 in June. After unchanging in April, the calls from tourist to enquiry went up to almost 1660. By contrast, there was a downward trend in receiving by mail, with just below 400 in the last of the period.
The line graph illustrates the amount of requests
sent
by hand, mail and phone to the
Tourist
Information Office
in particular
city from January to June in the year 2011

It is
clear
that the Office received
enquiries
in person and by cell phone rose
significantly
over the period of 6 months in 2011, while the number of
enquiries
sent
by letter experienced a considerable drop.

By January, telephone was by far the most popular way, with about 900,
as oppose to
just
nearly
800 through mail or letter. The figure for
enquiries
received
directly
from the
tourists
was much less,
just
over 400. Between January to March, the number of requests which
tourists
gave by hand and mobile phone climbed to 1000 and 800
respectively
,
however
, the number of that from email remain
relatively
stable.

Three months later, from Match to June, there was a rapid increase
enquiries
sent
in person and reached a peak of around 1900 in June. After unchanging in April, the calls from
tourist
to
enquiry
went up to almost 1660. By contrast, there was a downward trend in receiving by mail, with
just
below 400 in the last of the period.
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IELTS academic Essay about the number of enquiries received - tourist information

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
197 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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